Habit Number 5
is about developing and nurturing a self – empowering narrative based on reality and accepting yourself as wholly human, fallible and resilient in turn.
Focus on your internal dialogue, if your internal dialogue is self-deprecating and negative no amount of positive strokes from others will change this- you have already become fused to a self-limiting story about yourself that only you can change.
My mindfulness journey has taught me this, as has my work with clients who have been tormented by their inner critic. The positive strokes of others are only accepted when you believe yourself worthy of them. Mostly we reject them. “He’s only just saying that to make me feel good.” That’s not true. You wouldn’t say that if you really do not know me.”
I have had to learn to have a more compassionate relationship with myself, to accept my vulnerabilities as well as my strengths, as a basis for developing a healthier relationship with my thoughts.
When I am feeling sad, I approach the emotion with curiosity, rather than by dismissing it as a sign of weakness. This empowers me, it does not mark me out as indulging in negativity.
It can be quite stressful trying to force myself to be positive all the time. Accepting that you are having a bad day enables you to manage it; you recognise the thoughts and emotions and decide how to relate to them. A much more useful state than denial!
How is your 'story' holding you back? How can you re-frame it to be more self-nurturing?
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